Hope
by nioki-nainai
Summary: A brief story, expressing Fate's feelings... thoughts... life... before and after meeting Nanoha... The difference and meaning of true Hope... FatexNanoha


***** First of all I want to say that I do not own Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. Would be cool if I did, but I don't… No copyright was intended. **

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**Writer's notes: **Hi there ~

Before I start writing my usual nonsense =P, I want to say a big _**thanks**_ to _**Major Mike Powell III.**_ To be honest with everyone, I initially thought to discard this story but he encouraged me not to, and for that I say thanks again :3.

Now back to the story ~

So this below is a small story... It's divided into 4 parts. I meant to make it in chapters but I wrote it in one go so they got posted all together heh...

I wrote what I think most probably were the thoughts and feelings Fate had to face during her life... and how meeting Nanoha saved her...

I hope you enjoy reading it. It's slightly random but I guarantee it will be a nice read.

Hope you like it.

Also feel free to comment as comments are appreciated.

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**Tips: **The **bold/underlined** text are kind of the start of the new chapters/sections.

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**" " "Hope" " "**

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~ o ~

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**~ False Hope ~**

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**_Sometimes, not knowing what to do is the worst kind of pain._**

* * *

You felt a change... You've started taking notice of the surrounding... Things somehow changed... Maybe it was your imagination... Maybe it wasn't...

You start thinking what would be best... You start thinking what is right... You search for answers... Answers, which are difficult to find...

Not knowing what to do, makes you want to escape... to run away... Run away to the place you think is home... To the place you feel you belong to...

But no one ever tells you how truly hard it is to find that place...

And because of that, instead of finding the place you really belong to... You find the place your mind _thinks _you belong too...

What one thinks and what really is, tend to be two different things...

You know you should receive warmth from your family... But how could you know if you were really receiving it?

You're still a child... You haven't lived enough to see the truth... And so, you believe that is the only place you have to be...

* * *

Feeling lonely... Feeling pain... That is something that may make you open your eyes... Open your eyes to realize the truth... But at the same time, those same feelings may blind you in trusting the wrong things...

As those wrong things could save you at that time... As those wrong things were the only ones in your reach...

The need to cling to something... The need of having at least something... The pain of living without a dream... Knowing you're not needed by anyone...

Anything would be good as long as they ease the pain of those thoughts...

And so, that unbearable need can make those wrong things in your reach seem somehow good...

But then again... Maybe these feelings are your imagination...

You don't know...

* * *

And then something happens...

Seeing who you care for, who once cared for you, asking for your hard work... Hearing who you care for, who once cared for you, saying they love you...

Being blinded, by pain and loneliness... You would not realize the truth behind those words... If they are meant or not...

As for that moment... You'd believe you're needed again...  
As for that moment... You'd believe you're still loved...

And being needed, makes you feel wanted... makes you feel part... makes you feel... less lonely...

* * *

And there it came...

In exchange of that feeling, you have to offer your help... Of course you'd accept. They're the only thing you have.

They send you on a mission... They tell you to trust their words...

You trust in them and do what you're told... You've placed your trust in the only hope you've got offered in this life...

* * *

Being a false hope; it still helps you ease the pain... And because of that, you remain blinded... As sometime that is easing the pain, has to be the right thing...

Even if your mind is starting to think otherwise...

You think it must be wrong thinking that way... You think that what you've started to think could never be right... You think that something which is easing the pain could never be bad...

You cling to those wrong thoughts... You cling to those false words... Believing they must be right... Thinking, they are the only thing you have...

You move on... Believing only in those things...

The missions are tough... You're getting hurt but no one seems to care...

Then another thought strikes your mind...

Through these hard battles you're becoming stronger... You're gaining power... Power that will help you accomplish what you're required to do... To finish what they asked you to do... And of course, give better results... Maybe this way you'll make them happy... Happy... and proud of you...

You make it your objective... You will do whatever you can to do what you're told... No matter how much it hurts... No matter how much pain you feel...

The only thing you want... Is to see the one you care for smile to you...

But being alone would still make you feel lonely...

You want someone with you... And so, with your power you create a companion... A loyal trustful familiar, to be by your side...

This makes you feel better. You're not alone anymore... Even though you believed you were never truly alone... That those feelings were all in your mind... But then your familiar makes you feel loved again...

Something you missed... Something you haven't felt in ages...

Maybe you'd just forgotten the feeling... Or just thought you weren't feeling it... You'd always blame yourself... Not realizing that maybe you're truly not given that feeling anymore...

* * *

You decided to continue the mission... These thoughts... These feelings... All of them were just a waste of time...

You make it a goal... To continue doing what you've been told...

The battles are tough... And your familiar starts to worry for you... Deep down, you're glad they do so...

You encourage them that everything is fine...They know it isn't but they decide to trust you...

* * *

You continue fighting... You keep doing what deep down you believe is wrong... You keep doing what deep down you feel is not right...

But being blinded, you think what you believe and feel must definitely be wrong...

And then a seemingly plausible reason comes in your head.

**_"The bad is from your side."_**

You believe that thought... You repeat it to yourself a million times to make sure you start believing it... And in fact by time, you do so...

You only know one thing for sure... You have to believe in what you've been told... Even if you can't understand why...

And so, everything seems fine now...

You forced yourself to believe those words... You placed all your trust in those words... You act following only that belief... You act believing that's your only path...

Nothing will ever change...

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~o~

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**~ In Need of Help ~**

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No one was there to show you what's right... No one was there to tell you the truth...

Or at least, no one used to be there...

Until one day someone tries to reach to you...

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**_Are they foe? _**

**_Are they friend?_**

**_Why are they doing that?_**

**_Why are they trying to reach out?_**

**_What are the reasons behind their actions?_**

**_What could they want from this?_**

**_Why am I thinking this?_**

**_Maybe?_**

These thoughts cloud your mind... Thoughts that make you start think again... Thoughts that make the false belief you've built during the years, start to crack down...

It's painful... But at the same time, it eases your mind...

Uncontrollably, you start thinking about them... And those thoughts make you feel a strange warmth... Mainly because someone else is now offering a different want...

**_They want you to be their friend._**

Those words are new to you... Those words reach you deep inside... Those words make you heart beat differently...

They are kind words... Yet painful in their own way...

You don't understand them... You don't understand those words... Yet, you want to satisfy what they're asking...

Not only because they asked it... But because deep down you want it too...

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But something is holding you done... You cannot betray those that have taken care of you so far...

Even if they've changed... Even if you've started to doubt their actions... They've given you hope when you needed it most... They're given you a place to belong to when you wanted it most... You cannot forget the kindness they offered you... Or more the kindness you think they offered you...

And so, one thought was the answer to stop everything... These new feelings must be the wrong ones... You cannot let your beliefs crack done so easily...

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Just one straight thought.

**_"They are the foe and what you're feeling is wrong."_**

Nothing more...  
Nothing less...  
Nothing else...

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You force yourself to believe that thought... You meet again and that thought soon gets distorted...

They tell you to open your eyes... You want to do so... But you believe you can't...

They start to crack your false hope again...

Not knowing what to do, you force yourself in seeing them as the enemy again...

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A different pain comes up... They're starting to become important to you... You can't feel so... You can't do so...

Fighting with who you don't want to... It hurts your heart...

You can't hold to it any longer...

It's time to end everything... Even if it will be painful...

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The last fight will come up... You want to fight alone...

You know that you will win if your beliefs are actually right...

You fight...  
You lose...

Deep down, you were expecting it... Deep down, you always knew your beliefs were wrong...

After a long time, you feel relieved...

* * *

The battle is over...

You did your best...

You have no regrets...

It's time to rest...

* * *

You fall into the arms of your savior... The same savior who wanted to be your friend...

A nostalgic warmth comes back... A nostalgic warmth which you've tried to suppress...

Suddenly something is causing you pain... You know this power... It's the power of the one you care of... But why?... Something must be wrong...

You feel weak... You need to rest...

You're fall again in the hands of your savior...

It makes you feel at ease... You feel that warmth again... This time you accept that warmth...

You close your eyes...

You rest...

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~o~

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**~ Bitter Truth ~**

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You open back your eyes...

You search for your savior... But they aren't there... You weren't expecting it... Yet deep down you feared it...

It was too good to be true... Having a friend was too much to ask...

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You open more your eyes... You see your familiar by your side... There's pain in their eyes... You know it's your fault... You force yourself to sit up... You embrace them tightly knowing they're truly the only one by your side...

They smile seeing you're fine... They smile knowing you're better...

You try to stand up... They force you to remain down...

* * *

You're confused... You don't know where you are... You decide its best to ask... They tell you what's happening...

Your savior is still fighting...

**_"Why?"_**

They tell you because your friend wants to save you.

They tell you that your friend is fighting for you.

And so, tears threaten your eyes... Someone fighting for you is something you've never expected...

You want to see them...

You want to help them...

* * *

You search for them...

They bring you to them...

You find them talking with the one you care for... You find out what you've been doing were all crimes... You expected it... You always felt they were wrong... But still, why?... What was the real reason behind those actions?... Why did they tell you to do them?...

And then you find the answer... They ask the one you care for what you were thinking... Finally you'll get the answers you wanted...

They immediately declare their plans... They reveal all the truth...

* * *

You find out the truth...

You were being used...

You were nothing more than a mere tool... A doll to replace a missing loved one... A doll to take the place of someone else... But it seems you disappointed them... You couldn't take that place... And so they searched for a solution... They found another way... But to accomplish so, they had to use you... And that's what they did...

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You were just being used...

**_"This must be a bad dream." _**

Too much too accept...

You faint...

* * *

You wake up again...

Was it a bad dream?...

No...

* * *

You just wanted the one you care for smile at you...

Were you really just a tool?... Did they abandon you now?..

No... It has to be a mistake... You've been just making them sad... Of course they'll be angry with you...

You recall your savior again... Why are you thinking about them?...

You remember they kept calling your name... over and over...

You don't know what you should do...

You just wanted to be accepted again... That was your reason to live... You knew that if it weren't possible, you might as well have stopped living...

You think of running away...

You know you can't run away anymore...

You need to find your savior...

* * *

You search for them... But they aren't there...

You find out they are now fighting with the one you cared for...

You want to stop that fight...

You don't want either side to get hurt...

* * *

You join the battle...

You meet both sides...

The one you care for confirms the bitter truth... You were only being used...

You realize how truly it was just false hope you had... You realize how bad you did placing your trust... You realize how stupid you were...

Deep down you feel destroyed... You start feeling a familiar pain ... You want to end everything... You want to be release of that pain...

Once again you feel not needed... You remember that pain... The most painful thing one could feel... The painful feeling that you are not needed by anyone in this world...

There is no reason to continue... And so, you stop...

* * *

But words of encouragement reach your ears...

Your new friend is telling you they care for you... Your new friend is smiling at you...

A smile which gives you warmth... Words that make your heart beat fast...

You don't know why... Yet you trust that smile... You don't understand why... Yet you believe those words...

You cling to those words...

They are the only thing you have now...

* * *

And there it was...

A new hope...

A new start...

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~o~

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**~ True Hope ~**

* * *

You've been given a new hope...

You have the option to repent for your mistakes...

But you don't know what to do...

Your new friend encourages you to do so...

You follow their advice without thinking...

You trust their words... You trust them without thinking... You follow your heart...

* * *

They say they will wait for you...

That makes you happy...

* * *

Happy thoughts now strike you mind...

Having someone there for you... The place where someone's thinking of you... The place where someone's waiting for you...

That's what you should call home...

* * *

And so you realize...

Home is where someone is thinking about you...

You know that's the place you belong too...

You know that's the place you've been searching for...

You know that's the the place you can call my home...

Now you have what you've been searching for...

You smile...

Tears come down...  
Tears of happiness...

No more pain...

But a new feeling...

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You now feel a new strength...

You now have something you personally want to achieve...

You want to protect her... You want to make her dreams come true...

A person is able to truly become strong when they wish to protect some they cherish... And when someone who accepts you from the bottom of their heart appears... That person becomes the most important person to you...

And you believe it's true...

You know that's true...

She is important to you...

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Now you have a dream... New thoughts dwell in your mind...

**"I want to protect my important person."**

**"I will never leave her side."**

**"I will live my life, for her and for myself."**

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~o~

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~ o ~ o ~ o ~

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**End of Story: "Hope"**

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I hope you enjoyed reading the story. Please, feel free to comment or review. All input will be appreciated, regardless being positive or negative. Let me know what you think. Thanks again for taking your time to read it.

Regards =]

nioki-nainai


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